Super Harper Saves 1000's of Stranded Canadians

Harper Inadvertanly Kills Several Onlookers With a Wave of Force from His Super Hand,
originally uploaded by Bergkamp13.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper personally saved over 3000 stranded Canadian citizens from war torn Lebanon today.
Stung by criticism his government hasn’t done enough to help Canadians trapped in Lebanon during the recent conflict there, Mr. Harper leapt into action. Carrying two small children on his back and holding their terrified mother in his arms, Mr. Harper took flight, unaided, and dropped the family off at their Montreal residence. As the residents of the neighborhood flooded into the streets in awe, Harper smiled humbly and told the crowed he couldn’t stay to sign autographs or Tory memberships as he had “thousands” of citizen’s to help before his afternoon nap. Harper then flew up into the blue sky like a bird or a plane and back to Lebanon and picked up another family. This time the family was also traveling with their pet, Scoopy, the family beagle. Scoopy perched sleepily on Harper’s head for the entire flight.
Harper continued to personally fly each family directly to their homes, kindly refusing all entreaties to come inside for a drink or biscuit. Harper then flew to his secret hideout, somewhere in the tar sands of Alberta for his afternoon nap. After his nap Harper saved several more famlies before calling it a night.
Harper was accompanied the entire time by his press secretary and personal photographer who followed Harper in a super-sonic flying jet pod. Unnamed Parliament Hill sources later told Mr. Bitter, that the source of Harper’s superpower is camera flashes, the tyrannical hold he keeps on his sycophantically loyal press secretary and tax cuts for the rich. The source then expressed hope that Lex Luthor, or the Federal Liberal Party doesn’t read Mr. Bitter, as he would then finally have the means with which to destroy Harper. The source then looked up into the sky and screamed “Harper!”