Ask God

God. He has no time for you "Little weiners",
originally uploaded by Bergkamp13.

The first of what we here at Mr Bitter hope will be many columns where you, are valued readers, ask God directly for advice. No middle men, no phoney-baloney religious trappings, just you and the Big guy, one on one.

Dear God,
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Raymond, Detroit

Raymond,
Why do you think, genious? Do you really believe I've got the time and/or energy to be there everytime you get fired or lose a girlfriend through your own stupidity? Lose some weight, asshole.

Dear God,
Republican or Democrat? Republican, right?
Geoerge, Washington

Dear George,
Yeah don't think I don't know who you are. First off, I'd kindly appreciate it if you and your followers would stop misrepresenting everything I've ever said and everything my relatives and those loosely assiciated with me have said over the last 2000 years or so. You are giving me a fucking headache. Secondly I've always wished I had a boss like you. Just how many times do the people working for you have to fuck up before you tie the can to one of these half-wits? Tell Chenney that pacemaker wont last him forever.
Thirdly, I thought it was obvious I voted for Nader, dimwit.