Without Semen Jackson 'Withering Away"
Michael Jackson is "withering away" according to his lawyer and without a weekly dose of young semen Jackson may not be long for this world.
"Without the semen he's domed" said Jackson's lawyer. "That's what this trial has done. It's brought Michael to the brink of death."
Jackson's lawyer said after his acquittal that Jackson would no longer allow young men to sleep over at his Neverland Ranch for fear he may be accused of molesting them.
Jackson has undergone numerous cosmetic surgeries and other "experimental" treatments to prolong his youthful looks. Those treatments need "almost daily" upkeep, said unnamed Jackson insiders. He says that Jackson needs the particular proteins found in the semen of young, preferably virgin, males. It's those proteins that keep Jackson's "skin" from decomposing. It is also responsible for the white or "bleached" look of his "skin". (The "skin" is thought to be some type of space-age polymer brought back from one of the early moon landings.)
Jackson's lawyer was quick to point out that Jackson uses medicinal, glittered semen extraction gloves to obtain the semen.
"He doesn't just "whack them off"," he added incredulously. " It's all very non-sexual."
The unamed source shifted uncomfortably and chewed furiously on a raw fish behind the walls of the Neverland Ranch where the interview was being conducted. But he verified everything Jackson's lawyer had said.
"It's all coming apart. The work is deteriorating at an alarm rate. Without a heavy dose of semen soon he'll be nothing but a primordial puddle. Although a primordial puddle with great dance moves," continued the unnamed source. (The source is infact nameless. He was raised on the Jackson ranch from an embryo. He says Jackson named him but kept the name secret because "to name you would be to destroy your innocence".)
"It's very much like the blood of young virgin females that Catherine Zeta Jones bathes in every morning," said the source. "Otherwise she'd look like a withered old Welch woman. Then who'd wanna do her?"
"Without the semen he's domed" said Jackson's lawyer. "That's what this trial has done. It's brought Michael to the brink of death."
Jackson's lawyer said after his acquittal that Jackson would no longer allow young men to sleep over at his Neverland Ranch for fear he may be accused of molesting them.
Jackson has undergone numerous cosmetic surgeries and other "experimental" treatments to prolong his youthful looks. Those treatments need "almost daily" upkeep, said unnamed Jackson insiders. He says that Jackson needs the particular proteins found in the semen of young, preferably virgin, males. It's those proteins that keep Jackson's "skin" from decomposing. It is also responsible for the white or "bleached" look of his "skin". (The "skin" is thought to be some type of space-age polymer brought back from one of the early moon landings.)
Jackson's lawyer was quick to point out that Jackson uses medicinal, glittered semen extraction gloves to obtain the semen.
"He doesn't just "whack them off"," he added incredulously. " It's all very non-sexual."
The unamed source shifted uncomfortably and chewed furiously on a raw fish behind the walls of the Neverland Ranch where the interview was being conducted. But he verified everything Jackson's lawyer had said.
"It's all coming apart. The work is deteriorating at an alarm rate. Without a heavy dose of semen soon he'll be nothing but a primordial puddle. Although a primordial puddle with great dance moves," continued the unnamed source. (The source is infact nameless. He was raised on the Jackson ranch from an embryo. He says Jackson named him but kept the name secret because "to name you would be to destroy your innocence".)
"It's very much like the blood of young virgin females that Catherine Zeta Jones bathes in every morning," said the source. "Otherwise she'd look like a withered old Welch woman. Then who'd wanna do her?"
posted by Soft Headed Liberal at 9:48 PM
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