Religion InThe News:
Stem Cell Opponents Ask For Divine Guidance
Opponents of Stem Cell research held a rally today to ask: What would Jesus think of stem cells?
Many religious groups oppose stem cell research as it requires the use of cells removed from human embryos.
"I think we all know what he'd say," said reverend Bob Bobson. "He'd say, hell no! Well maybe heck no ... but he'd think it was ungodly and a sin against life!"
In a surprising turn of events Jesus latter appeared at the rally and asked "What the hell are stem cells?
Amazing Reviewer Reviews Films He's Never Seen
John Williams, film critic for Families Against Filth Weekly Review of Filth, has reviewed an amazing 107 movies he's never seen.
"I don't need to see these films to know they're disgusting, pure filth and write 500 words on that filth," said Mr Williams. "I've not seen films as unwholesome as these."
Mr Williams recently reviewed Sin City, giving it minus four weeping Jesus's, saying in his review "an ungodly, perverted mess without one single redeeming quality" despite having not seen the film.
"When will Hollywood stop making films I wont go and see?" he asked.
Poor? God Hates You
Are you poor? Then god probably hates you say leading theologians.
"It's something we've suspected but until now we've had no proof," said Father Theo Monk. But recent events have changed most theologians thinking.
Paris Hilton dropped the theological bomb when she said her staggering and mind boggling fame and fortune were due to "God liking her," and rewarding her "hard work." Until now Ms Hilton,known mostly as the star of blurry internet sex videos and the televised high-jinks of her and her retarded friend Nicole on the Simple Life, was thought to be shallow sign of conspicuous consumption. Now she's turned the entire Christian belief system on its head.
"We used to think the meek would inherit the earth and it was easier for rich man to pass through the eye of the needle than get into heaven. But look at her," says Monk. "She's rich and famous and will want for nothing her entire life. Kind of a kick in the balls, really."
Monk has said he is reconsidering his good works with the poor. He plans to open a turtle-polishing boutique in Beverly Hills.
"Turtles are the next affectation of the wealthy," he said, stepping over a homeless man on his way into the bank to apply for a small business loan.
Opponents of Stem Cell research held a rally today to ask: What would Jesus think of stem cells?
Many religious groups oppose stem cell research as it requires the use of cells removed from human embryos.
"I think we all know what he'd say," said reverend Bob Bobson. "He'd say, hell no! Well maybe heck no ... but he'd think it was ungodly and a sin against life!"
In a surprising turn of events Jesus latter appeared at the rally and asked "What the hell are stem cells?
Amazing Reviewer Reviews Films He's Never Seen
John Williams, film critic for Families Against Filth Weekly Review of Filth, has reviewed an amazing 107 movies he's never seen.
"I don't need to see these films to know they're disgusting, pure filth and write 500 words on that filth," said Mr Williams. "I've not seen films as unwholesome as these."
Mr Williams recently reviewed Sin City, giving it minus four weeping Jesus's, saying in his review "an ungodly, perverted mess without one single redeeming quality" despite having not seen the film.
"When will Hollywood stop making films I wont go and see?" he asked.
Poor? God Hates You
Are you poor? Then god probably hates you say leading theologians.
"It's something we've suspected but until now we've had no proof," said Father Theo Monk. But recent events have changed most theologians thinking.
Paris Hilton dropped the theological bomb when she said her staggering and mind boggling fame and fortune were due to "God liking her," and rewarding her "hard work." Until now Ms Hilton,known mostly as the star of blurry internet sex videos and the televised high-jinks of her and her retarded friend Nicole on the Simple Life, was thought to be shallow sign of conspicuous consumption. Now she's turned the entire Christian belief system on its head.
"We used to think the meek would inherit the earth and it was easier for rich man to pass through the eye of the needle than get into heaven. But look at her," says Monk. "She's rich and famous and will want for nothing her entire life. Kind of a kick in the balls, really."
Monk has said he is reconsidering his good works with the poor. He plans to open a turtle-polishing boutique in Beverly Hills.
"Turtles are the next affectation of the wealthy," he said, stepping over a homeless man on his way into the bank to apply for a small business loan.
posted by Soft Headed Liberal at 4:09 PM
2 Comments:
you're cute but a little sacreligious....
Jesus? I know who Paris Hilton is, but who is this Jesus guy?
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