Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Tests Reveal Cruise Not Crazy, Has Great Stool

Recent test from Medical labs in San Reno have confirmed to Mr. Bitter that actor Tom Cruise, recent observed acting crazy on several talk shows, is in fact not crazy, just retarded.
"All the test came up negative for "the crazies", Dr. Bouhdra said. "Though we found a high level of cricket parts in his stool. Otherwise it was an amazing stool. The greatest stool I've ever seen."
Cruise recently annouced his engagement to Katie Holmes. Recent reports reveal Holmes' stools have been improving since hooking up with Cruise. Holmes and Cruise were photographed recently eating fresh crickets while sunning themselves on a rock in Barbados.
It has also been reported that Holmes will convert to Scientology. Sceintologists believe psychiatry to be "pseudoscience" unlike Scientology its self which believes in the existence of Lizard people inhabiting human forms.
Scientologists, on average, have the best stools, according to doctors.
"it's all those crickets they eat," said Dr. Bouhdra. "They're really improve the stool."

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