Hello from the Womb: Mr Bitter Jr Says Hello

Day … I’m not sure what day it is. I don’t have a calendar in here. What I do know is that I’ve got no ears so please, Dad, stop trying to talk to me. Can’t hear a thing.
What can I tell you? I’m really excited about the whole birth thing. It’s pretty wet in here, what with all the amniotic fluid and such. I’m urinating now (sorry mom). Pretty cool. Can’t wait till I start pooping. I’m feeling kinda bloated. It is pretty relaxing, just floating here. Like to put my feet up and have a good stretch. Not crazy about the food, though. Mom keeps eating pickles with peanut butter. What, are you out of bread? I’m curious about what it’s like out there in the big dry. Can’t really imagine what it must be like to be surrounded by dry stuff. Anyway, every so often I’ll drop you guys a line to let you know how I’m doing and wonder at the forming of my little limbs and organs. I'll also pass judgment on what’s going on outside . See you soon.

Introducing Mr Bitter Jr.

I know I’ve said it before but this time I meant it. I wont abandon you again. I know it’s been awhile. A long while. But I do have a good excuse. I’ve been very busy trying to reproduce. That’s right. Procreate. It took awhile and involved the declarative: “The penis goes where?” But we sorted it out.
My wife and I are very confident that with global warming and the receding ice caps and the soon to be accessible oil deposits sitting under those receding ice caps that there will be more than enough fossil fuels to see little “Mr Bitter Jr” through to at least his twenties. By that time most of his body parts will have been replaced by cybernetics and computer chips making his need for clean oxygen and food nothing more than a quaint memory. He will be king of the new robot army and will lead the fight against the invading alien hordes come to steal away our now poisonous - and to the aliens, irresistibly delicious - seas. And all the while continuing to write this blog long after I have shuffled off my mortal coil, fighting against the first wave of those alien invaders. So by way of introduction, the fetus of my future child, Mr Bitter Jr, will be writing this blog. He/she/robotic killing machine will keep you posted on all things amniotic and pre-natal. Don’t miss his/her/future king of the world’s navel eye view of our wacky, soon to be invaded planet.
Here is a picture of Mr Bitter Jr. He has my glowing spine, doesn't he?