WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

Put away those soggy hanky’s, faithful readers, I have returned. Where have I been, you ask? Well the last thing I remember is finding a half eaten green onion salad in a dumpster behind a Taco Bell. Come on, we’ve all been there. How could I possibly resist?
Actually, I got married. The thing about getting married is that people seem to run out of things to say to you. All I hear these days is: “How’s married life treatin’ ya?”
Well, since my wife and I lived together for a year before getting married I can say, with all the embellishment I can muster … pretty much the same. Oh, I have a ring on my finger, which is weird, as I have never really worn rings in my life. Had my ear pierced once when I was a teenager. Wore a dangling peace earring for some reason. The piercing got infected. I took it out.
I'm still struggling a bit with the new married lingo: "This is my girlfriend - I mean wife." Although my wife says I could easily remedy this issue by simply using her name. Oh, and I seem to love her more and more each day. Which I'm told may be something I have to live with my entire life.
(I’m following the Arsenal game on the BBC website and watching the Chelsea v Newcastle game as I write this. That’s probably why it feels like I’ve been writing for hours)

Anyway, I plan on taking my muse-buffering mental fiber so as to make my writing more regular. Now that I’ve passed all the remnants of that green onion salad and large bits of my colon.

FYI: Wigan 0-Arsenal 1, Chelsea 1- Newcastle 0